no fundamental change
04 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
I love them, still.
And, mom, i know how much pain you bear, or maybe that’s even beyond my comprehension. I’m not a mom after all. That’s what you said.
But sorry, i’m sorry, mom. Also dad.
Something persistent agonizing me. I’m using their money doing sth that is very much against their will. But even in the future when i can fully independently support myself, i still can’t get rid of the agonized feeling on my conscience. They are sad and disappointed. They are concerned of me, rather than being angry. But there’s also a kind of pain elusively hides itself somewhere deep in my heart.
I know, i’m the person who choose to suffer.
However, should I have my own children some day, I wouldn’t expect them to stay in the same place or same country with me. They also have their own life, their own life partner, their own children and their work and so on. I would be happily seeing them enjoy their life in the way they like. Yes, i admit, I’ll be thinking of them at times, and probably sometimes very much wanting to see them. But after all, I know, the one who will share a lot of time with me, even the last minute of my life, should be my partner. It is him.
Yes, it is something called leaving.
